Dyche Trips After Latest Defeat

 GLASTONBURY, ENGLAND—In an unexpected twist of fate, Everton manager Sean Dyche was spotted at the Glastonbury music festival, where he reportedly had a mind-altering experience after “accidentally” ingesting a hefty dose of LSD. Dyche, known for his gravelly voice and no-nonsense demeanor, was seen wandering through the festival grounds, eyes wide and pupils dilated. Festival-goer and lifelong Everton supporter, Dave, managed to capture a rare moment with the gaffer. “He was talking about how the clouds were whispering formations to him and how they looked like his mum,” Dave said. “It was fucking mental.”

Witnesses claim Dyche was later found lying on the grass, staring at the sky and muttering about tactical shifts. “The universe is like, one big pitch, you know?” Dyche reportedly mused. “And we’re all just players, man.” When asked for a comment, a festival spokesperson said, “We always encourage responsible behavior, but it seems Mr. Dyche had an enlightening experience.” The Everton manager’s trip apparently reached its peak during a surprise set by the Arctic Monkeys, where he could be seen grooving and shouting, “Play it long, lads! Play it long!”

Back at Goodison Park, Everton fans had mixed reactions. “If it helps us stay up this season, I’m all for it,” said one optimistic supporter. Dyche, however, seems to have taken the experience in stride. In a post-festival press release, he stated, “Sometimes, you need to see the game from a different perspective. Just don’t tell the lads in the dressing room.”

Dyche is expected to be back on the touchline for Everton’s next match, presumably with a newfound appreciation for the psychedelic intricacies of football